Being from Wisconsin, I thought I understood Rural America. But recently, since going to Cheyenne and the Stock Show and now the way I’ve spent my day today*, I can assure you. What I thought was rural is nothing compared to the summers I spent up north with my grandpa in rural Wisconsin. This is a different kind of rural. And true and genuine vast nothingness. On my journey today, Google Maps took me weaving and winding down long and unceasing lengths of unpaved roads, without seeing another car for miles upon miles. There was truly nothing. No houses. No animals. No people. Just these sprawling fields of grain and wheat and open space. Flat and yellow meeting at the horizon against this piercing blue sky I never knew could exist in a real world.
America is a big bitch.
But, I guess that why it’s nearly impossible to apply any successful European social policies in place in a country like this. Where our states rival the sizes of some of Europes biggest countries. We are special and cute and unique and also man do we fckn suck.
But anyways, I still found beer in this vast and sprawling nothingness. I found a brewery in Sterling, Colorado called Parts and Labor where I spent my first Adventure Day of 2020.
Upon walking in, I found a brewery overrun with dozens upon dozens of children. I am not fucking kidding. There were kids everywhere and a handful of adults who were in charge of this large brood of children. I guess that’s what happens when you live in Bumfuck Colorado. You fuck, have a kid, fuck, have another kid, fight, fight some more, decided that you need to do something to save the marriage, and have a third kid. And then, before you know it, you’re at a brewery on a Saturday afternoon with a few of your couple friends and a million kids running amok while you’re drinking to forget the mistakes you made.
Anyways, I ordered two different drinks while at Parts and Labor. Scratch that, I ordered three different drinks. I could definitely just got back and delete the part where I said “two” and replace it with “three” but I’m about nothing but authenticity and honesty here. But I now remember why I got that third beer and I will get to that when I get to it.
The first beer I got was their Hop Tropic, which was an APA. Based on my Untappd, I really liked it and gave it 4.25/5.
While enjoying this delightful treat of a beer, the children and their keepers started to clear out. And then this is when I became so upset by the existence of men. Because the men were planning on sending their kids off with their wives, who had to cook dinner and throw loads of laundry in, while they were all making plans to go golfing on this balmy January day we were enjoying. Like, how dare they?
The second beer that I had was the Boost Joose, which is a milkshake IPA and I gave it a 5/5. How amazing that beer must’ve been.
At this point, I was planning on wrapping it up. And then a man walked in, and made a comment about how there was no one sitting at the bar except me, and then sat down immediately next to me. Which, like, what the fuck. That is not something I have time for. He was also at least fifteen years older than me. At. Least. And, my fucking around with middle aged men days are… not behind me, but they’re mostly ahead of me. Like, I’m not quite there yet. Except. I don’t know. Anyways, I wasn’t about this move.
And then he offered to buy me a drink. And, by law and birthright, I am to never refuse an offer of a free drink. So I did get a third beer.
I got the Camshaft kolsch. I gave it a 3/5 on Untappd. And then I slammed this beer and bounced. I didn’t need to drink three beers in bumfuck Colorado. I didn’t need to get the whole life’s story of a man who lives in a hotel in town (from Houston, doesn’t want to settle down, his baby brother has kids and is married and is miserable and he doesn’t want that life for himself. Not that I can blame him).
And then suddenly, as quickly as I rolled into this brewery, I rolled out. Onto my next stop on my journey of Adventure Day.
*I started writing this on my phone when I did my first Adventure Day of 2020 but obviously that day has come and gone and now I’m finishing this Golden Content at a different brewery apart of a different day of days.